Domestic Abuse— a case of Osinachi the victim of her decision or indecision
Since the recent news about the abuse and untimely death of Osinachi, I have had to share my opinion about domestic abuse here and there as chitter-chatters, however, I decided to steal some time and collect my thoughts, write it down and share it.
Let me start by saying that; marriage topics are very very sensitive; both for the parties involved and for those who would want to involve themselves in the matter, be it family or friends. There’s a limit to how much help you can render especially when the other person doesn’t want the help.
Some people say she should have just left and I agree too. But we use our strength as a standard for how strong every other person is or should be. Not all of us are that emotionally strong, most people are mushy peas in love. I have seen cases, where the person abused, seems eager to please, excuse and protect their abuser. It is crazy, everyone knows. But what leads to that! How do people get to this point where they are willing to slaughter themselves for an abuser. Lots of things to consider. A few I have observed and will share. But first, we need to realize that; it takes time (years) for an abuser to establish that sort of control that ‘Peter’ has over ‘Osinachi’ and as my colleague said, there are many Peter and Osinachi in the world.
The overprotective lover: some people are too needy and empty that they can’t have a life outside their significant other. So when their partners isolate them from others, when they become demanding and overly jealous they don’t see it as a red flag, for them it is love, until it gets out of hand.
The needy lover: the needy lover is the person who uses his weakness in an exploitative way. He has learned how to justify his actions and to attract pity for himself or herself. They act like the victim even though they are the victimizer. They know how to excuse their fault, blame you for triggering it while at the same time letch on how they need you to survive, how they can’t be better without you, blah, blah, blah!
The gaslighting lover: gaslighting is a psychological tactic where a person causes the other person to doubt their abilities, question their realities and downplay their importance.
Gaslighting also involves taunting or humiliating a person, and then accusing them of being overly sensitive or dramatic when they react to these taunts. Using this strategy the abuser manipulates the person to believe that they are oversensitive and overactive. When the abuser can convince the abused that they are oversensitive and reactive they can do whatever they want with them and get away with it.
The love bombing lover: after an abuse, to smooth things over, the abuser uses gifts, compliments and apologies and grandiose promises to gain their way and buy the trust of their abuser. They go as far as hurting themselves and threatening to kill themselves if their abuser leaves or doesn’t forgive them.
The time trap lover: this is the case where the abuser uses time as a means to trap the abuser. After so many breakups and makeups, the abuser gives in to their fate, which is the goal of the abuser.
The manipulative lover: manipulation is a fundamental strategy of the abuser. These abusive lovers use one or two forms of manipulative strategy to bind their abusers. They use guilt, reputation, shame, and anger.
The diabolic lover: we are in Africa and we can’t overlook this part. Sorcery, witchcraft and other diabolic means can be used by an abuser to control the abused.
The Way Out!
Jesus is the way the truth and the life. I could leave it there and that will be enough and it is enough, however, permit me to also add what Martin Luther King said in his speech about, “Life Blueprint.” The number one thing he said should be in your life blueprint is: “don’t allow anybody to make you feel like you are nobody — always feel that you count, always feel that you have worth and always feel that your life has ultimate significance”
The abuser always starts by taking control of the abused feelings, then their thoughts and actions. Until the abused feels powerless, the abuser has no power.
Because of domestic abuse, a beautiful singer has become more famous in death than she is in life. Because of her death everyone including family members are now speaking out! The question is, what happens to family and friends using their space to speaking out before now! Is this not a form of hypocrisy. The same hypocrisy we see in how the dead is treated as against how they were treated while alive.
Anyway, I am always a pro-self-development, pro-self-love, pro-self help (sort of) we owe that to ourselves. If you are in a situation that does not serve your highest good, be responsible enough to walk out. It might not be your strong forte, but develop it, it will serve you for life. considering the fact that their will always be abusers in this sinful, fallen world. Make the choice not to be a victim.
Selah!
Glory
